Fucken Hell, I just walked down to the supermarket place near my mum and dads house, you can walk across the little field in front of the old folks home as a short cut. As I'm walking through I start to see pluvers (sp?) everywhere, so I'm like "Shit it's spring, If I make it outta hear alive, I'll walk on the other side of the road home so I won't get swooped.", so I make it out alive get to the supermarket, do my thing (buy catfood) and start walking home. This time I come down the other side of the road, all the while staring at all the pluvers thinking "Gee I was stupid to go through there before", feeling quite safe and then all of a couple of cars start coming up the road, this woman stares out the window of one of the cars looking sort of startled, I'm thinking "Yeah, you're ugly too" and then I hear this "WHOOSH!". I'm all wtf?! And the I turn around and see this fucken MAGPIE coming in at 12 o'clock under the radar at about 1 foot below my eye sight, I take evasive maneuvers and the bird barely misses my head, I keep walking (not running) cause I realise I'm about past where its nest must be, I breath a sigh of relief and say "fucken magpies..." under my breath, I look back at the tree that the magpie is sitting in and staring at me, I know he is taunting me, I know he is thinking "fucken human" or is otherwise manically laughing at me inside its head like a crazed killer.

Fucken magpies.