Things I don't want to hear when you call me up at work:
1. "But my computer/unsupported modem/Anti Virus/Firewall has been working fine for X months/years/yesterday" <--- Yeah well it ain't working now is it? No matter how much you tell me this I am not going to turn around and say "Oh my mistake! There is nothing wrong with your setup I just turned the internerd off! Please wait while I turned it back on!" If I tell you I need to uninstall some software or check some settings in the computer just DO IT!! Arguing with me will not get it working quicker, I'm not trying to swindle you out of your life savings, I am trying to HELP you. Do you want the internet working or not!?!
2. "I know what I am doing, I work in I.T" <--- Good for you buddy, you may very well work in I.T but if you can't get your internet to work and their is no outages on our end then I would keep your trap shut because quite frankly I'm likely to be holding down the mute button and saying "You're a fucking moron" to myself and chuckling because dispite all your fantastic wisdom you still haven't learnt how to use the 'ping' command and follow the simple instruction in your modem manual.
3. If I am being nice as pie to you and trying to help you fix your problem do say "Don't take this personally but... Scream Scream Bitch Bitch Swear etc." <--- How else would you like me to take your verbal abuse? You wouldn't be saying this to me if I was sitting infront of you, do you really think abusing me is going to make the company help you?
4. In the same vein as 1. "But my filter/double adapter/phone extension cord has been working fine up until now..." <--- If we have just sat on the phone for 30 minutes and we have been able to find that there is truly a hardware fault, just believe me! Things do just break one day you know! That is right, one second they are working and then the next they aren't, yes even simple things like double adapters can break just like that! Christ you don't see me walking around telling everyone "but it was working yesterday" when my lightbulb blows or my car breaks down, shit happens, deal with it and be glad you are replacing a $5 piece of plastic instead of paying $400 like my last car repair cost.
I know all this shit is nit picky, I am just blowing off steam here.
Don't take it personally...
1. "But my computer/unsupported modem/Anti Virus/Firewall has been working fine for X months/years/yesterday" <--- Yeah well it ain't working now is it? No matter how much you tell me this I am not going to turn around and say "Oh my mistake! There is nothing wrong with your setup I just turned the internerd off! Please wait while I turned it back on!" If I tell you I need to uninstall some software or check some settings in the computer just DO IT!! Arguing with me will not get it working quicker, I'm not trying to swindle you out of your life savings, I am trying to HELP you. Do you want the internet working or not!?!
2. "I know what I am doing, I work in I.T" <--- Good for you buddy, you may very well work in I.T but if you can't get your internet to work and their is no outages on our end then I would keep your trap shut because quite frankly I'm likely to be holding down the mute button and saying "You're a fucking moron" to myself and chuckling because dispite all your fantastic wisdom you still haven't learnt how to use the 'ping' command and follow the simple instruction in your modem manual.
3. If I am being nice as pie to you and trying to help you fix your problem do say "Don't take this personally but... Scream Scream Bitch Bitch Swear etc." <--- How else would you like me to take your verbal abuse? You wouldn't be saying this to me if I was sitting infront of you, do you really think abusing me is going to make the company help you?
4. In the same vein as 1. "But my filter/double adapter/phone extension cord has been working fine up until now..." <--- If we have just sat on the phone for 30 minutes and we have been able to find that there is truly a hardware fault, just believe me! Things do just break one day you know! That is right, one second they are working and then the next they aren't, yes even simple things like double adapters can break just like that! Christ you don't see me walking around telling everyone "but it was working yesterday" when my lightbulb blows or my car breaks down, shit happens, deal with it and be glad you are replacing a $5 piece of plastic instead of paying $400 like my last car repair cost.
I know all this shit is nit picky, I am just blowing off steam here.
Don't take it personally...
posted by serp at 3:25 AM
4 Comments:
3 is my absolute most hated of customer traits. "i know it's not your fault but blahblahblah."
IF IT"S NOT MY FAULT STOP ABUSING ME THANKS!
customers like that ended up on my shitlist and when i was bored i'd disconnect their modems.
I'm a fan of "I'm not racist but..." myself ;)
#3 is gold. I has a guy on the line weekend before last who kept swearing, and I told him it was inappropriate and I'd hang up if he didn't quit it, this went back and forth and ended with him asking "what do you go to fucking church or something?" and hanging up.
Today I had one of those guys that used monosyllabic words, and proceeded to tell me I was lying to him and didn't know how our network worked:
"Tell me where my modem is NOW. I know you can do it. TELL ME NOW" "Sorry sir we cannot do that, we can only see which of our towers is currently serving your modem" "YOU'RE LYING".
"I'm in IT" should be made into a t-shirt.
2. "I know what I am doing, I work in I.T" <--- Good for you buddy, you may very well work in I.T but if you can't get your internet to work and their is no outages on our end then I would keep your trap shut because quite frankly I'm likely to be holding down the mute button and saying "You're a fucking moron" to myself and chuckling because dispite all your fantastic wisdom you still haven't learnt how to use the 'ping' command and follow the simple instruction in your modem manual.
haha.. this is both the funniest and longest sentance I´ve read in a while. I know the feeling, from when I did tech support at an ISP :o( Helps you to learn patience, that´s for sure.
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