So I had a bucks night to go to the other day. I wasn't really enthusied about going, not because I don't like the groom or anything like that, more because of the "entertainment" that was going to be going on during the night.
Which you are now about to hear/read about.....
So man/hole and I decided to turn up at this doozit after the groom and his posse had gone Go-Kart racing as we both didn't have $50+ to spare riding around on some suped up lawn mowers. We ended up meeting the guys at some big pub complex near Chadstone shopping centre which for the life of me I can't remember the name of right now. We turned up and after wondering around a bit to actually find where we needed to be (this place is pretty huge) we finally found the groom in this pool room area while all the other guys were sitting around drinking beers, everyone was super quiet and I was surprised that everyone wasn't already super pissed, but anyway.
So in a couple of minutes we were introduced to everyone and they all seemed like nice people that weren't from paste and that I didn't know, except for one....
We will call this dude by the name of "Standard" for the purpose of this post, he was from paste and some of the "grove crew" have had some rather unpleasant experiences with this guy. When he first came up and started talking to us couldn't actually remember who he was or how I knew him, but after a very short time of "talking" to him i realised who he was. Note these things "" around the work talking? I use those because it wasn't so much of a conversation between 2 or more parties, it was more of a shitful paste of words spewing from this guys mouth, he just kept going on and on and on about how great he was and the great things he was doing, let me give you a rundown in point form what he crapped on about during the night, please note that if some of this sounds inconsistent it is because the story was revised by standard throughout the night...
***REMOVED DUE TO THE FACT I COULDN'T BE BOTHERED FINISHING THE LIST CAUSE IT WAS TAKING TO LONG***
Anyway long story short, the guy crapped on and was either flat out lying or just exaggerating a SHITLOAD or he just has no idea what he is saying.
Anyway, after this we headed in to the city, we drove from this place in my car (we got stuck with standard getting a lift with us), to Queen Street and from their proceeded to walk to crown casino, meet up with these dudes and then straight away turn around and walk down to King St, these guys were taking the groom to see strippers.
Oh Joy.
The best man or his mate ended up deciding on this small sleezy looking (from the outside) strip club cause it had no door cover charge and no queue, classy. We all got inside and it was pretty empty and pretty small, like really really small, I thought it would have been bigger than this. Anyway there was 3 stages with only women gyrating around poles on two stages, everyone seemed a bit taken back and none of the dudes that seemed like they were in charge knew what they were doing, we sat down and I got a drink cause I really needed one. I was really finding this place really gross for lack of a better word, I couldn't even walk off anywhere cause the place was so god damn small, I think pretty soon the best man had "bargained" to get a "lesbian strip show" (his words) for the groom and the rest of us, so off we went to the side of the club where the "private room" was, which was actually a bit of the room cordened off by a curtain. So these two chicks do their thing and were pretty nice about the whole thing considering that all these dudes wanted twats shoved in their faces, they used a belt from the audience, ice cubes and cold water and hot wax (which supposedly they aren't allowed to use). After this "show" I needed another drink and badly, I was very surprised that I was finding all this totally UNAROUSING I mean not even a little bit, I was talking to the man/hole and he said it best with "I think I am actually getting shrinkage" which was so what was happening to me as well. But we kept marching on and trying our best to look like we were at least not replused to be there.
Throughout the night after the "lesbian strip show" I kept getting approached by the women eho work there for "private shows", although they masquerade this with "getting to know you" chat which is just so horribly put together. I don't know what I was doing wrong, I was trying really hard not to draw attention to myself and if I saw these women coming towards me I would either talk to man/hole or look away or use my phone or anything. I think basically if they see a guy standing alone or have a free seat next to them and they don't look like total fucking hobos they'll try and sell their "warez". Guess its just part of the job. I think during the night we met one nice stripper, her name was "Taylor" and she dances on and off about every 6 months or something, she was doing some gfx design course or had finished and was doing freelance work and wants to eventually start her own gfx design business, guess you gotta start somewhere. She looked like she was on half a pill to me but thats cool, if their is something I know how to do its make conversation with people on substances while I'm not. I think she was starting to feel a bit uneasy about all the questions we were asking her and the rather "normal" conversation we were having, I was glad she didn't ask us for anything, good on her for judging us right, but anyway this all came to a stop when we were dragged off by the main group again for "lesbian strip show mark 2" this show was even worse than the show before, the guys were much more drunk and leering than the first, there was a funny bit however when they got the groom in his underwear and tied a belt loosely around his neck, made him get on all fours and bark like a dog. Seriously if he wanted to look like an idiot in front of all his mates I could have thought up something pretty elaborate for free, why pay these chicks like $100 to do it? Anyway this show had more "lesbian" emphasis on it and there was all these fake headjobs going on between the girls and then sometimes the groom and then also some fake "thrusting" between the two chicks, it was pretty sad and much "shrinkage" was happening but the other guys were getting really into it. Anyway after this the guys wanted to go next door for some cheap drinks, we went down there and it was the hickest bar i've seen in Melbourne and I've been to a few in the city, it was like grabbing all the biggest bogans in Paste and than inbreeding them and then throwing them in a time machine from the 1980s and thats about what you had, Man/Hole and I decided to call it a night. Thank god.
Which you are now about to hear/read about.....
So man/hole and I decided to turn up at this doozit after the groom and his posse had gone Go-Kart racing as we both didn't have $50+ to spare riding around on some suped up lawn mowers. We ended up meeting the guys at some big pub complex near Chadstone shopping centre which for the life of me I can't remember the name of right now. We turned up and after wondering around a bit to actually find where we needed to be (this place is pretty huge) we finally found the groom in this pool room area while all the other guys were sitting around drinking beers, everyone was super quiet and I was surprised that everyone wasn't already super pissed, but anyway.
So in a couple of minutes we were introduced to everyone and they all seemed like nice people that weren't from paste and that I didn't know, except for one....
We will call this dude by the name of "Standard" for the purpose of this post, he was from paste and some of the "grove crew" have had some rather unpleasant experiences with this guy. When he first came up and started talking to us couldn't actually remember who he was or how I knew him, but after a very short time of "talking" to him i realised who he was. Note these things "" around the work talking? I use those because it wasn't so much of a conversation between 2 or more parties, it was more of a shitful paste of words spewing from this guys mouth, he just kept going on and on and on about how great he was and the great things he was doing, let me give you a rundown in point form what he crapped on about during the night, please note that if some of this sounds inconsistent it is because the story was revised by standard throughout the night...
***REMOVED DUE TO THE FACT I COULDN'T BE BOTHERED FINISHING THE LIST CAUSE IT WAS TAKING TO LONG***
Anyway long story short, the guy crapped on and was either flat out lying or just exaggerating a SHITLOAD or he just has no idea what he is saying.
Anyway, after this we headed in to the city, we drove from this place in my car (we got stuck with standard getting a lift with us), to Queen Street and from their proceeded to walk to crown casino, meet up with these dudes and then straight away turn around and walk down to King St, these guys were taking the groom to see strippers.
Oh Joy.
The best man or his mate ended up deciding on this small sleezy looking (from the outside) strip club cause it had no door cover charge and no queue, classy. We all got inside and it was pretty empty and pretty small, like really really small, I thought it would have been bigger than this. Anyway there was 3 stages with only women gyrating around poles on two stages, everyone seemed a bit taken back and none of the dudes that seemed like they were in charge knew what they were doing, we sat down and I got a drink cause I really needed one. I was really finding this place really gross for lack of a better word, I couldn't even walk off anywhere cause the place was so god damn small, I think pretty soon the best man had "bargained" to get a "lesbian strip show" (his words) for the groom and the rest of us, so off we went to the side of the club where the "private room" was, which was actually a bit of the room cordened off by a curtain. So these two chicks do their thing and were pretty nice about the whole thing considering that all these dudes wanted twats shoved in their faces, they used a belt from the audience, ice cubes and cold water and hot wax (which supposedly they aren't allowed to use). After this "show" I needed another drink and badly, I was very surprised that I was finding all this totally UNAROUSING I mean not even a little bit, I was talking to the man/hole and he said it best with "I think I am actually getting shrinkage" which was so what was happening to me as well. But we kept marching on and trying our best to look like we were at least not replused to be there.
Throughout the night after the "lesbian strip show" I kept getting approached by the women eho work there for "private shows", although they masquerade this with "getting to know you" chat which is just so horribly put together. I don't know what I was doing wrong, I was trying really hard not to draw attention to myself and if I saw these women coming towards me I would either talk to man/hole or look away or use my phone or anything. I think basically if they see a guy standing alone or have a free seat next to them and they don't look like total fucking hobos they'll try and sell their "warez". Guess its just part of the job. I think during the night we met one nice stripper, her name was "Taylor" and she dances on and off about every 6 months or something, she was doing some gfx design course or had finished and was doing freelance work and wants to eventually start her own gfx design business, guess you gotta start somewhere. She looked like she was on half a pill to me but thats cool, if their is something I know how to do its make conversation with people on substances while I'm not. I think she was starting to feel a bit uneasy about all the questions we were asking her and the rather "normal" conversation we were having, I was glad she didn't ask us for anything, good on her for judging us right, but anyway this all came to a stop when we were dragged off by the main group again for "lesbian strip show mark 2" this show was even worse than the show before, the guys were much more drunk and leering than the first, there was a funny bit however when they got the groom in his underwear and tied a belt loosely around his neck, made him get on all fours and bark like a dog. Seriously if he wanted to look like an idiot in front of all his mates I could have thought up something pretty elaborate for free, why pay these chicks like $100 to do it? Anyway this show had more "lesbian" emphasis on it and there was all these fake headjobs going on between the girls and then sometimes the groom and then also some fake "thrusting" between the two chicks, it was pretty sad and much "shrinkage" was happening but the other guys were getting really into it. Anyway after this the guys wanted to go next door for some cheap drinks, we went down there and it was the hickest bar i've seen in Melbourne and I've been to a few in the city, it was like grabbing all the biggest bogans in Paste and than inbreeding them and then throwing them in a time machine from the 1980s and thats about what you had, Man/Hole and I decided to call it a night. Thank god.
posted by serp at 12:11 PM
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